jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize