Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Less talking, more tequila
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
