found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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