I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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