Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
