just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
