When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I will pee on everything he values.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
