my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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