just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
