She said her name was "party"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
