she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize