i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
