3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
