i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
