chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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