Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize