Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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