DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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