you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
