my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
