I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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