that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
