dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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