She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
