i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize