They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize