Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize