Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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