a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
