She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
