We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
