dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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