I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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