she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
