Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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