He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
