there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize