That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
