At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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