Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
