i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
