oh god the rape fog is back!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
