i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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