if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize