Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
