What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
