my sisters under your porch take her home
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
