His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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