it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want her autograph on my taint
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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