I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
