At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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