just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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