Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize