I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
