We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need water and some morals
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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