As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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