well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
