I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just pynch a tree in the face
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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