He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize