so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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