Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
