I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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