i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
