wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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