whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
