haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
