There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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