there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize