That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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