the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
