im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
