Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
