You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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