she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just found puke in my bra..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
