youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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