Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We named our party play list daddy issues
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
