I need to stop coming to work sober
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
