help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize