I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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