i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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