It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
