you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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