OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
false alarm, still single
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
