I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
